Become the Conscious Gardner of Your Life

I hope you've had a lovely summer and that the weather is still sunny in September (I'm writing this in August!) This blog is all about becoming the conscious gardener of your life so you can make interventions in the moment to prevent you from falling into old patterns and beliefs. I've also included some statements that you can use to reframe situations that might arise so that you have a more positive day or outcome.

If life was a garden of both beautiful flowers and plants (positive beliefs and strategies and what’s working well for you) as well as weeds (old beliefs and patterns that no longer serve), becoming a conscious gardener of your life enables you to weed out what no longer serves and grow and nurture what does. We all have a mixture of both and have times when the garden looks well tended and in bloom as well as times where the weeds have taken over.

Don’t give yourself a hard time when the weeds resurface and start to dominate as this is normal for everybody even after working on yourself for some time. We all experience downpours of rain (off days, tired days, stressful days and challenging events that can last for periods of time) which enables the weeds to grow once again. The key is to accept that this is the case and not give yourself a hard time. Instead spot that they are there and weed them out rather than letting them go unnoticed otherwise they start to take over the garden and old patterns and habits resurface. 

Recognising these for what they are is the key so that you avoid believing them and acting as if they're true which brings back the subconscious strategies that try to protect you and allows the weeds to flourish. Acknowledge you’re facing difficulty, recognise the old beliefs and patterns and release any emotion for the time you believed it was true. Weed out the weeds and focus on planting and tending to the flowers and plants that you want to grow more of your life and know that you are a human being experiencing all seasons and weather patterns just like every other garden.

Try Reframing Things

Here are some reframes that you can use to help you respond to a weed quickly in the moment. These are best combined with finding an outlet for any emotion, boosting self-care and self-compassion:

"I've failed", "I've been rejected" try reframing this to "This is not a sign that something has gone wrong but a signpost to a new way forward i.e. new work, relationship or direction that has the potential for longer term success or happiness." "Difficulties are an opportunity to learn, grow or change direction." "It's not possible to be liked by everybody or good at everything, and if I don't gel with someone or something, it means there are other people or a situation/work more suited to me."

"I've messed up", " I should have done it differently" could be reframed to "I did the best I could with the information I had at the time."

"Everybody else does it better", "Other people wouldn't be in this situation if it was happening to them" "I'm not enough" might be reframed to "Everyone has strengths and opportunity areas as well as ups and downs in life. I am on my own unique pathway and they will have other stuff to deal with" "I am enough as I am." "Life is not perfect, no one is perfect and life is unfolding to help me learn and grow"

"I'm stuck", "How long am I going to feel like this?” think about reframing this to "Feelings come and go. I'm in an unfolding process which will change over time as I allow myself to process any emotion, give myself compassion and open up to alternative perspectives. " "Thoughts and perceptions are not necessarily the truth no matter how much I am believing this right now."