New Year’s Resolutions

There will be a lot of talk about setting New Year’s resolutions, but the reality is that most people don’t continue with their resolutions beyond the end of January. I’ve shared in a previous blog some tips for setting New Year’s resolutions which you can access in this link (link.) In this post I want to address the pitfalls that prevent resolutions from succeeding and a simple process you can follow for success.

Many resolutions whilst seemingly exactly what you need, often fail to address what will truly bring you success and happiness. The main flaws I perceive as:

Coming from a Place of Lack

If when you’re setting your New Year’s resolutions, you’re imagining yourself as a better person, more complete or more like others when you achieve them, you’re effectively rejecting yourself as being broken, not enough or flawed. This is probably subconscious but each time you strive for your resolutions you add feelings of low mood, frustration and self-criticism so diminishing the success of your goal. You stay stuck in this reality as thoughts are mirrored back making this self-fulfilling. If this is the case, a more effective approach is to identify that building your confidence, self-acceptance and self-esteem is the more important goal and working on this alongside your resolution. Your resolution may then bring something additional to your life.

Postponing Your Happiness

If you’re imagining you’ll be happy when you achieve your New Year’s resolutions, you’re effectively postponing them into the future. As Susan Jeffers describes in “End the struggle and dance with life”, it’s like imagining happiness is at the top of the ladder but when you get to the top of the ladder, you find another ladder to climb and so on. A more successful strategy is to learn to be happy every step of the way. So, if this is the case, add into your day or week, activities that bring you happiness. It can be as simple as a gratitude exercise, spending time in nature, reading a book, spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself/you have fun with, helping others, hobbies or interests you’re passionate about. Learning to be present in the moment and kinder to yourself can also make a fundamental difference to your happiness.

Not “Trying Out” Your Goal

Ask yourself the following. How will you feel if you achieve this? What difference would it make to your life? How does it balance with other aspects of your life? If you get a really positive feeling as you do this, you’re likely to have strong motivation to achieve your goal. Otherwise, it may be a nice to have or something less significant. Making sure it’s compatible with other areas of your life also helps i.e do you have the time and resources, or will there be a knock-on effect to something else important?

Focused on What You Don’t Want Rather Than What You Do Want

Regardless of your belief system, there is numerous evidence of how important it is to focus on what you want i.e., the positive. Whether you believe in the universal laws or coming from a more scientific approach, statistically you’re more likely to drop something if you say to yourself “don’t drop that” rather than “hold on tight.” Identifying and reinforcing how you want to feel in your life, acting as if you have already achieved it and working to challenge the distorted thinking that can repel your vision, is fundamental to your success.

Not Self-Reflecting on Yourself or Your Goal

Taking time to notice your progress, any barriers to success such as limiting beliefs and stories, any gaps in skill or attitude you may need to develop for success or being able to draw on resources and support. Learning from your experiences and making necessary adaptations.

New Year’s Resolution Process

A simple but effective process to help you with your New Year’s resolutions is as follows.

Step one: Consider all aspects of your life and identify the key things you would like more of e.g. greater health and fitness, more fun, more confidence, healthier and happier relationships, more career success.

Step two: Ensure you are following the principles above as you are doing so. Reword or add in anything that will help you build self-acceptance/self-esteem, bring your happiness or success into every day or more compatible with your life.

Step three: Make your resolutions as specific as possible so that you can measure your progress. I.e., what does healthy actually look like in reality? Exercise three times a week, increasing fruit and vegetables in your diet to X number of portions per day or week. Ensure this is worded positively and in the present tense rather than focused on what you don’t want.

Step four: Close your eyes, ground yourself by imagining yourself as a tree with roots going into the ground, imagine connecting to the sun with your branches and surround yourself in a golden bubble of protection. Imagine that you already have this in your life. You are living your New Year’s resolutions. What does achieving these feel like? Really concentrate on the feeling and expand this to your whole body. It should feel really positive but if you’re not feeling this, your goals are maybe not important enough to you and you’re unlikely to feel motivated to achieve them. Revisit your resolutions if this is the case.

Step five: Continue feeling what it’s like to achieve your resolutions. Picture and feel them as much as possible. Imagine if you’ve already achieved these, what actions you would take today. I.e., if you are healthy and happy, what would you do today? If you feel accepting and confident in yourself, how would you act today? Follow through on the steps you imagine.

Step six: Repeat this visualisation each day acting on the steps you’ve identified. You are living as if you have already achieved your resolutions, making them come to life.

Good luck!